Cereal Killers

He lost it in the cereal aisle one day,

when the Quaker Oats man spoke:

Beware young man, the tiger

and the leprechaun

are building sugar bombs.

and the Rice Krispies boys

are packing heat.

They'll melt your brain

into a marshmallow.

Panicked now, he scrambled

round the end display

into the canned meats

and vegetables aisle.

A well-aimed asparagus spear

thrown by a tall green man

whizzed past his ear.

-Quick, over here, the mermaid

beckoned from her can.

The talking tuna next to her

grumbled and flicked his stogie,

-don't get fooled son,

she's just a piece of tail.

-That's right amigo

said the salsa senorita,

I bet you like it hot.

-or maybe not, maybe

the boy would enjoy

something dark and sweet

the brown, buxom woman

on the big-bottomed bottle drawled.

-come to mama, sugar,

I got what you need.

That's when he finally lost it all,

fell to the floor and began

his desperate crawl

around the corner

to the liquor department

seeking the spirit named Jack,

but he'd settle for an old crow.