Lead Story

Back in those days of Brylcreem and chrome

and linebackers breaking bones,

and Gordon's double martinis

to wash away the troubles of the day,

lead was in the cheerful pink paint

on baby's bedroom walls and toys,

and the infinite blue skies were full of the sweet stink

of premium gasoline fortified with tetraethyl lead

and Marshall Dillon outdrew the bad guys,

hit 'em with his Colt 45 right between the eyes

in TVland’s Dodge City, Kansas alias Melody Ranch,

just north of Los Angeles where it was always high noon,

then downed a shot of rot gut

at Miss Kitty's Long Branch Saloon,

(a CBS soundstage down

Highway 99 in Studio City.)

Meanwhile, in a tiny Hollywood shop,

on Santa Monica Boulevard

Eugene Stoner and his assistants,

Jim Sullivan and Bob Fremont

crafted the embryonic Armalite AR-15.

The requirement was for a weapon

that could pierce a steel helmet

at 500 yards. The Army didn't like it

but the Air Force did, especially Curtis-

bomb-em-back-to-the-stone-age-LeMay.

Marshall Dillon, Hoss Cartwrigt, and Paladin,

Rowdy Yates and Maverick

kept the small screen blazing

with their six-shooter Colts and rifles

and we all gathered round

the blue glow in the living room

as they faced off in the dusty street out in front

of the saloon and Miss Kitty waited patiently,

and the poker players paused their game

to watch from the wooden sidewalks.

And we all knew how it would end

because the good guys always got the drop.

And the bad guys were bank robbers and rustlers,

not unhappy teenagers or political fanatics.

You could tell who was who

by the color of their hats.