I like to get to work early. I can have some coffee, take stock, make an inventory of the shop and my scattered mind. Shelves filled with a good supply of paper.
Standard bond, colored bond, laids, linens, brights and rags.
Customer courtesy bottles of white out, some pens and glue sticks, scissors.
Copiers warmed up, filled up and ready.
Cash register primed with three hundred dollars in coin and currency.
Job orders that need to be completed or started now.
OK, it's all cool.
Time to sit down and check my email, surf for a bit.
So, what's up this morning, credit fixes, herbal penis enlargements, discount tranquilizers, rolex knockoffs, anti aging creams, penny stocks, horny housewives looking to party, special box to watch cable for free, opportunity to make seventeen million dollars by helping out nephew of ex minister in Nigeria. More credit fixes, get the dirt on friends, neighbors or cheating spouses, is my cock hard enough, big enough, long lasting enough, (what did men do before the web I wonder)
How much time do I have before shop has to open, fifteen minutes. I hope there is something from the poultry breeders, I'd like to get some variety in my flock. But first I'll check the dating site, maybe somebody has sent me a message. One message. Guess I'm not as cool as I think I am. Maybe it's a good one though, remember: quality not quantity. Right, keep telling yourself that dork.
To: alleycat
From: rivernymph
Subject: So you like chicks, huh?
If you have a small flock of chicks, what do you need this website for? ha ha ha. How many cocks do you have? tee hee. Seriously though, where can I hear your music, it sounds cool. Do you ever play in the City? I don't have a car and you live out there in the boonieburbs.
I like your picture, is that recent? Anyway if you are gonna be playing somewhere I'd love to hear it. And please ask me anything you'd like to know about me. You seem like a cool guy.
Later
rivernymph
Shit, I shouldn't have implied that I was in a current band, need to change that to something like, like, putting together alt band, no that sounds too immanent. Developing concept for alt rock band, oh yeah maybe that'll work. If it doesn't sound like some lame Hollywood limodriver/producer or burgerflipper/screenwriter. As if copy store manager/singer/songwriter is much better. Or copy store manager/singer/songwriter/artist/chicken fancier. Like that is so unnerdy. Maybe make it more ambiguous but cool sounding. Like publishing & music development. That sounds good but isn't too specific. What happens if I actually hook up with somebody though and they find out I'm exaggerating? That would be so embarrassing, god. How about just lay out the cards face up? Lonely copy store manager who once was in a band and still writes songs that nobody ever hears. Pets: six chickens and a cat. That's better, more prosaic but I want reality from them so I should be real too. Ok: better fix the profile and hope that works.
Hmm, what else is here? Oh shit, Marty. What is it going to be this time?
To: Felix
From: Martin Flack
Subject: April Sales
Felix-
Just went over this month's numbers. Nice improvement m/m from March but we aren't hitting the goals we set for this quarter. You had a nice drive to the 10 yard line but settled for a field goal. We need a touchdown, guy! Was it not clear to you at the Team Strategy session that it is imperative that we hit 150K on the Docucenters this month? And every month? From now on dude. You need to huddle up with your squad and kick some tail or whatever it takes to put some points on the board. I don't want to have to come down there to do some asskicking myself, but I will if I have to.
-Marty
God, what a moron, don't think I'm ready to respond to this first thing in the morning. Let's see what other gems I have today.
.... approval rate accepted, hook up with new girls, generic medicines, low home mortgage rates, top dog training secrets revealed, want something extra in bed, invitation, rock hard chipmunk, online pharmacy...
oh this one should be good:
To: Felix
From: Jessica Toptower
Subject: Smith vs Jones documents
Good Morning Felix,
Can you be a dear and give me an estimate on when you expect to have the copies of the documents I dropped off yesterday finished? Our court date has been moved ahead and I'm just frantic to get those ASAP. I understand that those originals are a pain with all the unstapling restapling unbinding, etc. as you told me yesterday when I brought in the boxes, but I really really need to get them back. Also if you wouldn't mind, could you do this yourself? The girl (Stephanie?)is always so uncommunicative and terse, it borders on rudeness and I don't think she takes the special care that you always do.
You're a dear, thanks so much.
Jessica Toptower
Toptower and Marconi
Attorneys at law
Oh shit, this is going to be a fun day. All that hand copying or handholding. Better have a talk with Stephanie about how to deal with Jessica, she's a pompous self righteous prig but she brings us a lot of work. Better if I do the work, but fences need mending.
More discount meds, fake rolexes, and hello! Chickens! Oh, my Oh my, Oh my, I hope this one has what I'm looking for!
To: Felix Day
From: Heritage Hatchery
Subject: Current Stock
Dear Mr. Day,
Thank you for your inquiry about the breeds we are raising here at Heritage Hatchery. We take pride in having maintained the finest and healthiest antique and rare breeds of poultry on the West Coast for more than 60 years. This year we are pleased to offer some very special breeds.
You expressed a particular interest in hardy layers, so I would suggest you consider Barnevelders, a dual purpose breed originally from Holland. They are good layers, sit and brood their own young, produce good sized brown shelled eggs. Other breeds I recommend to you are the Dominque, the breed from which the popular Plymouth Rock fowl was developed and Frieslands, another Dutch breed with a very long history. Frieslands are excellent everyday layers, although their eggs are a bit smaller. Although primarily raised today as an exhibition fowl, you might be happy with the Minorca, a Spanish breed noted for it's very large chalk white eggs.
For something a little more unusual, the Araucana, brought into the US from South America originally, produces beautiful greenish or blue shelled eggs.
Another excellent choice for the small home flock would be the Faverolle, they have a very good disposition and are good producers as well. They have a brilliant range of contrasting colors so they would certainly add to your "yard art".
All of these would be suitable for the conditions you described, they are good foragers and would be quite well suited to a free range environment. Of course a good roosting house is recommended for their protection from predators.
Our stock is available as hatching eggs or chicks on a local pickup basis only. Please call ahead to ensure that we have what you are interested in and to make arrangements for taking delivery.
Thank you for your interest, I look forward to assisting you in building your flock.
Sincerely,
Margaret Tolliver
Owner, Heritage Hatchery
Heritage Hatchery current breeds:
Ancona (aka Black Leghorn), Araucana, Barnevelders, Cornish, Dominque, Dorking (Silver Gray, Dutch Bantam (Cuckoo and Blue Golden), Faverolles, Friesland, Golden Penciled Hamburgs, Jersey Giants, Langshan (Black or White), Leghorn (Single comb Brown), Minorca (Single comb black), Modern Game (Silver Duckwing) ornamental, Old English Game ornamental, Plymouth Rock (Barred), Polish (Bearded Silver ) ornamental, Silkie Bantam ornamental, Styrian, Sussex, White-Faced Black Spanish, Wyandotes (Silver Laced and Silver Penciled)
Oh cool! A few of these would be great to add to my Leghorns and Plymouth Rocks. The Araucona for sure, those blue eggs, nice. I like the look of those Faverolles too. What the fuck am I going to do with all those eggs though, some to Dick and Sally, keeping the landlords happy is a good idea, keep them from getting itchy about the chickens too. Offer some to Stephanie, definitely, fuck, dare I ask her out, so tricky getting involved with someone from work, especially when I'm her boss. I don't feel like a boss just another pawn in the company but what if she feels like I'm pressuring her or shit! what if she is repulsed, how the fuck am I going to work with her after that, reminded every time she looks at me that I'm such a dork. What if she thinks, Felix you lame-assed geek, get a life; and stay out of mine. What if, what if, what if. Calm down dude, you don't know that. And it's just some eggs for christ's sake, you're not asking her to get closer to hers. OK, OK, it'll be fine. Dumbass. Counting eggs before they are laid anyway.
Time to open the shop, the early birds will be here soon with their reports and flyers and dog-eared novels. Might as well get started on Jessica Toptower's stuff. What's in the box, what's in the box, good god, what a mare's nest. Bent velobound briefs from twenty years ago, fat transcripts caked with dust on the page ends, must have been sitting on a shelf untouched since Jimmy Carter fought the killer rabbit away from his canoe. Sheaves of pages torn from yellow legal pads, paper clipped or stapled or bunched together by crumbling rubber bands. Is this is the look of entropy? All those words threatening to slide into the forgotten. Packets of letters. These are more recent. They all seem to be from Barbara Skinner to Mary Alice Flounder. What is this all about? Some dark family secret? Somewhere in this mess, money is lurking, there always is when it goes to court. It's how we keep score and make restitution or punishment or settle arguments, agreements or injury. Should I sneak a peak at them? Can't really help but get little dribs and drabs and pieces anyway, I have to look at what I'm doing after all. It's a fringe benefit.
