Where do I begin?
The storm that I was born in
or the boot strap pullin'
did-it-on-my-own
most epic, most incredible
life I've put together
with sheer genius,
superior genes,
and a take no prisoners
pedal to the metal
approach to everything.
Here's a little tip
I'm happy to share with you.
No skin off my ass if you don't use it.
You can make people cry
or you can make 'em laugh.
Love you or despise you.
Doesn't matter which.
Just don't ever never ever bore them.
That's when you lose, professor.
That's when they flip the channel
to Marriage Boot Camp
or The Worst Cooks in America
or some damn fishing show.
If you're more boring than
a god damned fishing show,
you might as well just give up
and do the graveyard shift
stocking jumbo jars
of peanut butter at Costco.
And I get all the the hottest women.
Because I'm a winner. And that's
what turns the women on.
It's a biological fact.
I'm an Alpha Romeo,
not a Mommy minivan.
And anyone who denies that
is either ly'in or cryin'
cuz I dumped them.
Weaklings whine about my style,
say I'm like a bull in a china shop.
Well I say I'd rather be a raging bull
than a teacup in a bullring.
Midas ain't got nothin on me,
I'm the King of Bling.
Everything I touch turns to gold.
All you gotta do to see it,
is check out all the rings
on my woman's fingers
or the 24 carat seat
on my toilet.
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